Cops Alexander Manitoba

 

Cops Alexander Manitoba

(rough copy)

September 2020

The RCMP from Brandon Manitoba handled all the police calls in the town of Alexander Manitoba and patrolled the highways that we traveled. Being in school the police would come out for the usual chat to kids about drugs and breaking the law. When we were young we sat at the front of the gymnasium and believed it all. But as we got older we realized the real world is a lot different then what the police were telling us when growing up. Most our friends parents all had speeding tickets or traffic tickets from traveling the highways to Brandon for work. The tickets for traffic was just a cash cow to pay the expensive and make it look like they are doing something. When the Alexander store would get broken in to and the booze was stolen insurance means nothing. It is just harder on the profit margins for the owners because the punishment for the criminals is a joke. The police pulled dad over on Highway 1A by the CKX towers and dad argued with the cop that they were come towards him on the radar and dad sped up at the towers so we didn’t miss what they were saying on the radio because the CKX towers over powers the station that is playing on the radio. The cop laughed at dad and gave dad a ticket. Then dad stood in front of the judge and got it dropped because you only speed up to get by the towers so you can listen to your radio station not CKX. Those CKX tower was speeding ticket gold mine for the police.

Alexander had a grow operation of WEED back in the early 1980s and everyone knew what was going on. The fellow’s lawn was never mowed and junk every where but the house had plants every where. This fellow even had tin foiled rooms to reflect the light so his WEED plants grew better. Everyone knew what was going on and as long as the fellow minded his own business nobody said anything. Then on a Sunday night around midnight a group of cars showed up from Brandon thinking the fellow was home. They terrorized the neighbourhood and lots of people had tire tracks all over there nice grass. Even the Paterson Grain elevator had donuts spun all over the grass. The police were called and instructed to stop the group of cars heading back to Brandon if you arrive in Alexander too late. Of course the cops show up to late. They take statements from all of us and the next night come back to take more statements. When I gave my statement the last and final questions the cops asked was the colour of the cars. Being colour blind I could not tell the colours so my statement was a waste of time. The people of the neighbourhood chatted with the fellow and told him they did not like his friends showing up and the damage they did. The fellow just said he didn’t know who they were and it will never happen again. About a couple of months later the lead cop that took our statement stopped by to tell dad thy can’t lay any charges to the group of cars for damage done to the lawns. Dad was pissed and so was everyone else.

That night we took some old flat belt used to drive the threshing machines. Cut it to about 20 feet long and fill the belt full of roofing nails to make spiked belt strip like what the police use. When the group of cars came back the next month wanting to visit the fellow with the grow operation of WEED. The spiked belt stripes were deployed and quickly rolled up afterwards and put away until next time. There was now 4 cars with flat tires and no cell phone service or means of using a phone to call a tow truck. The one fellow walked to the pink house and asked to use the phone. We all had a good laugh. Never had a problem again with visitor wanting to visit the house full of WEED. The cops found out and stopped by asking questions and of all the neighbour and us never seen anything.

The next big run in we had with the police is when I blew up my alcohol still in the shop. I had built this alcohol still because it was prefect to make ethanol gas. The 2 grain elevators had lots of spilled grain from loading rail cars plus it was built out of recycled steel so there was not much cost involved. Dad went a long with it because it kept me busy and learning how to do things. The welds on the pressure pot had to be prefect and it took about 4 tries welding to get no leaks. To learn how to build there was no Google back then so if dad was at the collage teaching and I didn’t have school I could use his instructor pass card in the library and photo copy the info I had read in books. I had done a few test batches with no troubles and had a nice finished product. It was a Saturday and I had enough mash to do a full day of cooking to get a few jugs. I really do not remember much because it was a good explosion and with puncture marks in the plywood walls of the shop. Dad figured the pressure gauge was faulty so my pressures were off. I was writing everything in a book as a went along because running an alcohol still it is like a steam engine. After the explosion I remember coming to and mother was there and then I woke up in the hospital. When you arrive at the hospital with explosion injuries the cops are called for some reason. The cops went over board and put too much effort in to me building an alcohol still that was to be used as ethanol. That is when dad told the cops to “go catch a thief”. The saying as stuck and we still use it today when dealing with the cops.

When the Dukes of Hazzard TV show was popular in the 1980s the RM of Whitehead hired a local fellow to be the municipal cop. But this fellow went over overboard and got the nickname Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane because he acted like the character on the TV show. He drove a big old dodge sedan car with a red light on the top so it was flashing when he pulled you over. He pulled me over on a gravel road south of Alexander when I was driving a loaded grain truck and asked for my driver’s license. I called bullshit because he knew I’m only 14 years old and ride my bicycle. Then he called my dad and the farmer and was making a big deal out of this. Dad politely told him he was taking this mickey mouse job a little too serious which he was. Plus dad told him to “go catch a thief”. Later that month everyone had enough of him and he was “politely” told to quit the job which he did.

When we got to the age of driving we had the same problems as all the people of Alexander getting pulled over for traffic violations. But the sister and I would argue and stand in front of the judge to plead our case like dad always did. A lot of people did not know that back in the 1980s the police radar gun was effected by the wind blow the trees behind the vehicle they are locked on. I had a speeding ticket in my 67 Chevy truck climbing the big hill on the Trans-Canada Highway between the Kemnay Manitoba turn off and the Souris Manitoba turn off. I argued with the rookie cop saying the 67 Chevy truck with an inline 6 and 3 speed transmission does have the power to speed on a flat highway. So how could I be speeding going up a big hill with huge head wind. When I stood in front of the judge I also had the weather report from the Brandon airport to show the judge the wind speed that day. I laid my case out professionally and the ticket was ripped up. Then the rookie cop had it out for me all summer because I won.

With the 37 Dodge hot rod truck on the road that summer I spent a lot time being pulled out by the police. Then I would be standing in front of the judge explaining my case. The police would have a speed trap set one east of the Souris Manitoba turn off. They would back the police cruiser in the ditch to be hidden by the mile road approach. People would drive by then the cops would pull out of the ditch chasing you down and give you a ticket. When I got my ticket in the 37 Dodge by the same rookie cop I stood in front of the judge explaining it is a down hill slope which begins ½ mile before the speed trap. The cruise control on the vehicle has not made the adjustment for the down hill slope. The judge ripped up the ticket then the next time the rookie cop pulled me over he was asking how the cruise control was working on the 37 Dodge. Told him works fine when I install it some day. It seemed like every week I was standing in front of the same judge. Even the Brandon city police took a dis-like to me and gave me a huge fine for laying rubber around a corner in down town Brandon. It was my friend in front of me and I was not going to rat him out like the sister has done to me since birth. I tried to explain to the judge that the rear end gear ratio and the transmission in the 37 Dodge will not spin the tires and I was running the expensive Goodyear Eagles which are wide enough for traction but not too wide. The judge asked if I had the truck here at the court house and I said yes. He then called a recess and went outside with me to the truck. I opened the passengers door so he could see the floor shifter and the lay out of the truck. The judge got in the 37 Dodge and said “show me it does not lay rubber” we went to down town Brandon where the corner had the long black mark from the tire spinning to get traction better know as a “blackie”. The light turned green and off we went and it was all traction plus the engine bogs down because it was built for high rpms. The judge agreed that I did not lay the “blackie” down. He did point out that the speedometer is round and it quits at 100 mph with lots of space with no numbers. I told him the needle can come around and touch the 0 mph with that he just smiled. I take the judge back to the court house and he said he enjoyed the ride in the 37 Dodge and it has changed a bit since the last owner had it. I just smiled because the truck is a legend around the Brandon area.

It was no different when Naughty Natalie drove the 37 Dodge and we seem to be getting pulled over at little too offend. I know the truck was driven hard sometimes but most times when we got pulled our we were behaving,,,in theory. I forget where we were going and Naughty Natalie was driving and we were not really paying attention. The flashing light behind us just seem to appear out of no where. Naughty Natalie just pulls over at the best spot on the road because when they pull us over it is usual takes a while. The cop comes up to the truck and is rude right off the start and saying she should have pulled over sooner and Naughty Natalie replies back she pulled over in a safe area. Then the cops accuses her of not driving the truck and the reason why we did not pull over right away is because we were switching driver positions. I call bullshit and tell the cop she was driving and is a good driver and knows how to drive. Then I asked the cop did the vehicle swerve or wander on the road if we were switching position. He did not really reply and asked us to get out of the vehicle. With it being hot during the day Naughty Natalie is wearing her tight blue jean shorts and the white tank top but with a bra. The cop checks out the 37 Dodge and still figures with the small cab that were able to switch drivers. I told the cop I would like him to call for another officer to attend because this is getting a little carried away. This was to cover our ass because this guy is being rude and it will turn against us quickly. The cop returns to his cop car and uses the radio to call in for assistance.

It must have been a slow night because 3 other cop cars show up and start asking question. Naughty Natalie and I stick to our story and keep level headed with all the cops. When this was starting to get a little boring I told the cops we can prove that you can not switch drivers in the 37 Dodge. Which they all agree to and that made us happy. I get in the driver side of the 37 Dodge and Naughty Natalie gets in the passenger side and the truck is not running. The gear shifter is in neutral which is in the middle of the cab, if in gear it would be up at the dash or against the seat. The hand brake which is a long lever is applied which mean it is pulled away from the dash. We have both door shut on the 37 Dodge then the one cops opens the driver’s door so they can see that we are not cheating. I think it is more like to watch a nearly naked woman crawl all over me when we do the switch. Naughty Natalie and I have a little laugh and then put zero effort in to switching drivers in the 37 Dodge. We made it look like we were playing the game twister in the small cab. I was so glad she was wearing a bra that night because the cops might have got to see a little too much. We showed the cops it was almost impossible to do the switch of the driver while driving. Plus they have seen enough of Naughty Natalie in compromising positions they let us go. Once they were gone Naughty Natalie and I had a pretty good laugh because we do the switch all the time. The gear shift has to be in a gear which puts the shifter against the dash or the seat. The hand brake is off when driving and it is against the dash so the floor area is clear for the feet to move. She sits on my lap and holds the steering which allows her to take her body weight off of me and I slide over to the passenger side. The trick is to maintain steady speed and holding the steering wheel to lift up keeps the vehicle straight. The plywood camper shell on the back of the truck covering the truck box does not allow people behind the truck to see movement in the back widow. The driver switch is an easy trick because most cops will not give a woman driver a ticket if enough cleavage and a pretty smile is shown. Plus I tell the story that I have been drinking and it is her first time driving a hot rod truck. But little do they know that Naughty Natalie drives the truck just as hard.

By the end of the summer the rookie cop was able to give me speeding ticket for 145 mph which was a trophy in my eyes and I told the rookie cop that I let him catch me. The speeding ticket was framed and hanging on the wall to show people what the 37 Dodge could do. Then after a few DIEvorces and separations I got engaged to a cop. I was not think clearly at the time being a professional drinker. Once I sobered up the engagement was called off.

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