It is not very often that I have a very bad day especially on a Sunday because my cup of coffee is always half full. My bad day started right at 12:01am Sunday morning. I had a lady friend over that night in hopes of cuddling on the couch which is very relaxing after a hard day’s work. But she was more interested in my high speed internet and the beer in the fridge then any cuddling action. Now I know why people hate Facebook so much because she was online chatting with her ex-boyfriends, yes boyfriend"s". I figured she was not a virgin at her age but to continue to be friends with many of your ex-boyfriends is a little too creepy for me. In my life when a woman is done with me, I get the toss out of the house with a couple of shopping bags full of my personal items. Afterwards, the only communication I have with my ex-women is through lawyer letters. The letters can be very personal when a letter can cost up to $700.00 for all those fancy words the lawyers like to use.
By 3:03am, I had enough of this women enjoying herself with my beer, my computer and my internet so I unplugged the high speed internet control box. This for some reason made her very angry because she didn’t get a chance to say good bye to her many ex-boyfriends. To cheer her up, I gave her a parting gift of a 6 pack of beer for the long walk back to WHO-ville. That is when she got mad at me and express her views to me in 4 letter words which none of the words was "love". I then explained to her that she is not the first or the last woman that I have tossed or will toss out of my house. With that she said a few more 4 letter words and walked down the driveway talking to herself very loudly which made my guard dogs bark for a long time.
I then tidy up my house and head to bed because I’ll be getting up in 4 hours to work even on a Sunday. Just as I start to fall a sleep, she phones me to say she left something in my house. First thing I thought to myself “she made good time walking to WHO-ville”. The beer must have given her the energy needed for the long walk. I politely told her she can pick up what she forgot in the morning because it can't be that important. I know for a fact she didn't forget her panties like some women have done in the past. But this woman insists that she must come back to the Kingdom because she needs what she has forgotten. I politely tell her she can come by in the afternoon to pick what she has forgotten because I need sleep so I can work in the morning. For some reason she hung up the phone on me without even saying thank you for the beer or the long walk.
I fall back to sleep only to be awaken by a phone call by that woman again wanting and needing to come by the Kingdom as soon as possible. I have 12 years of schooling which doesn’t mean I have grade 12 and I know she is trying to trick me in to letting her back in the Kingdom. Once back in the Kingdom she can get more beer since I have lots of beer in stock. It has been 3 years since I have touched booze but I still weld in trade for beer. The parting gift of a 6 pack of beer was not a big enough parting gift because she is now more thirsty after the long walk. I was not as polite in telling her come by tomorrow to pick up what you forgot and please quit calling here because some people do work for a living. I look at the alarm clock and I only have 2 hours of sleep left until I have to get up for work. This is not very good because I know the lack of sleep will make for not having a good day.
Of course I can’t fall back to sleep after the last phone call from that woman. I just lie in bed looking at the alarm clock as the time slowly moves. Just when I think I’m falling back to sleep that woman phones again to ask if she could come by the Kingdom. I gave up on being polite and used lots of 4 letters words like she said to me when I asked her to leave. Not one of the 4 letters words I said to her was “love” either. Now I can’t sleep at all because she has me upset. I decide to just get up and start my day with not much sleep from the night from hell. It was suppose to be a fun night of cuddling of the couch but Facebook better known as “Dramabook” ruined it for some reason. My morning orange juice did not taste the same after a night of no sleep. The internet was extra slow after a night of no sleep and my morning routine was just not the same for some reason.
Since my cup of coffee is always half full I decide to start work early and things will get better. For the last week I have been organizing the Kingdom for the winter road season coming up. I get on my 922 loader and start pushing up some bush to make for more room in the Kingdom. All of a sudden I hear great gushes of air coming from the back of the loader. My first thought is to get the loader out on clean flat ground so repairs can be easily made. I get off the loader and look to see a rail road tie plate with a spike sticking out of my brand new $1100.00 tire. Oh my, is all I have to say as I look at the tire in shock. Where the tie plate came from in the bush is a good question. Why after 20 years since I bought the last set of new tires for my loader, it only took 3 weeks for me to wreck a new tire on the loader. That is when my cordless phone rings in my pocket and I have to answer it. I was born in the generation that has to answer a ring phone no matter what I’m doing. I can barely hear the cordless phone with my earplugs in my ears and the loader still running. I shut the loader off and pull one ear plug out of my ear so I can hear someone talking on the cordless phone. Also with my ear plug out, I can hear the last of the air escaping through the big spike hole in my $1100.00 tire. The last of the air makes me think of how much work this flat tire is going to be plus how much it is going to be costing me too.
Once I get focused on the person on the cordless phone, it turns out to be that woman again asking to come by the Kingdom. I was not very polite in telling her I’m busy and having a bad day thanks to the lack of sleep from her. But she still wanted to come by to pick up what she had forgotten the night before. That is when I hung up the phone by clicking the “end” button. I like my wasted youth better when you took the phone receiver and could really slam it back on to the phone which gave one satisfaction. With the sounds and feeling of a good slam, clicking a little button is just not the same for some reason. Hopefully that woman got the message that I’m not in the mood for her or her phone calls because I’m having a bad day thanks to her. On the positive side the loader got a flat tire in the Kingdom compared to being 10kms away. I walk to the shop and get the blocks and jack to raise the loader up to remove the flat tire. It did not take long for about 1000 little sand flies to show up for the funeral after I killed one. Today was the sand flies lucky day because it was hot and I was sweating working on removing the loader tire. The bug spray that I spray on myself was more of an invitation for more bugs to come to the party. I even tried the “Fuck” Off and it did help.
I had a hard time trying to stay focused in getting the tire off the loader but I was able to get it off. The hard part was trying to roll a huge flat tire uphill to my little shop. The sand flies were no help but made me more determined to get the job done before they ate me alive. I just about have the loader tire to the shop when the cordless phone in my pocket rings. Of course I have to answer it but when I did this I lost the balance on the loader tire which caused it to fall on its side on the ground. When I answer the cordless phone it is that woman again. I was not very polite when I asked her what she wanted this time. As I wait for her long explanation on what she wants this time, the sand flies go from another round of my sweaty flesh. With the phone call to that woman ended quickly with the click of the “end button” because I’m not in the mood for her right now. I use all my body strength to get the huge loader tire in the upright position so I can roll it the last little bit to my little shop. Once in side the shop the sand flies stay out side wait for my return back outside. For some reason sand flies do not like going inside a building not like other bugs of the Great White North that prefer to be inside tormenting you.
It did not take me long to get the loader tire off the rim because I had just had it apart not too long ago. I use every patch I had to plug the big hole made by the track spike because I need this tire fixed. It will take a week to get another new tire from the south. Of course as I’m man handling this huge loader tire which seems to be getting heavier every time I have to move it. The cordless phone rings and I know it is that woman again still wanting to come by the Kingdom to get what she forgot the night before. Her phone calls have become very annoying and to the point where it is taking me out psychologically. The lack of cuddling on the couch, lack of sleep, the million sand flies enjoying my sweaty flesh and the constant phone calls are taking their toll on my sense of humor. I answer the phone and politely tell that woman to “Fuck” off which doesn’t make sense but it sure feels better for some reason. The cordless phone rings as quickly as I hang up on her which means she really wants to talk to me now. As I answer the cordless phone I flick the switch to start the shop air compressor. The air compressor doesn’t start up but sparks come shooting out of the new electric motor that I installed less then 1 year ago.
Now I have hot sparks flying around my little shop trying to start a fire plus this woman on my cordless phone expressing her displeasure on being told where to go. I flick the switch off for the electrical power to the air compressor then concentrate on controlling any fires that will be starting up due to the flying hot sparks. While I’m doing all this I still have the phone to my ear listening to this woman expressing her views to me. I was not really listening so I think she used a lot of 4 letter words again. When I thought she was done expressing herself I just hung up the phone by clicking the “end button”. I think to myself I sure was lucky to be in the shop when the new $400.00 electric motor went up in sparks because the shop could have burned down. Plus it has been a very expense day with a total of $1500.00 cdn money in breakage in the first hours of this day. This lack of air compressor is no problem because I can use the air compressor on the Screaming Ford because all semi trucks have air brakes.
I park the Screaming Ford at the door of the shop and use the air hose from the air tanks to fill the loader tire with air. This turns out to be a bit of a problem because the tire will not bead up and the Screaming Ford is screaming at a high rpm to keep the air pressure up. As I fight with the bead of the loader tire trying to get a good seal to hold air. The cordless phone rings and of course I answer it only to find it is that woman again. This woman will not give up and I have a hard time hearing her on the cordless phone because of the noise of the Screaming Ford and I’m wearing ear plugs. I just hang up the cordless phone only to have her speed dial back to make my cordless phone ring again and again. I just give up on answering the cordless phone which is hard for me to do when I grew to answer the phone when it rings. That woman just does not stop and keeps calling and callings. She must be getting bored from clicking the redial button on the phone. Today is the day I wish she had a rotary dial telephone because her finger would be really sore from rotary dialing the telephone. I stay focused on getting the loader tire to bead up and ignore the cordless phone that keeps ringing non stop. It seemed like forever but I got the loader tire to bead up and take air to the correct amount. So it was a small victory under the stressful conditions that I had to work under. I think to myself that I have created some of the problems today but they will straight themselves out.
With the loader tire filled with air and it is a lot easier to roll the tire back to the loader. It did not take long for the million sand flies to catch up to me rolling the tire. I stay focused on getting the tire back on the loader with all the sand flies enjoying my sweaty flesh again. The cordless phone has stopped ringing which is very nice. I’m able to get the loader up and going and put all the tools away before lunch time. I decide since it is Sunday and I have no sleep maybe I should take a nap since I’m having a bad day. The more I sleep the less chance of anything else breaking. The cordless phone has not rang in the last hour so maybe that woman has found some one else to annoy. I eat a quick lunch and lay down for a relaxing nap.
As soon as my head hit the pillow that woman was phoning wanting to come by. No problem I said, come on by and pick up what you forgot the night before. The only problem is she needs a ride to the Kingdom because it is too far of a walk without beer. Ok, I’ll give her a ride to the Kingdom as long as she quits calling. I pick her up and bring her to the Kingdom so she could pick up a Bic lighter she forgot the night before. I looked at her with disbelieve in my face because a $.99 Bic lighter has cost me how much in gas for the ride to and from the Kingdom, the phone calls, the lack of sleep. It would have been cheaper for her to buy a new lighter at the gas station uptown that opens at 6am in the morning. She told me she just bought this Bic lighter the day before and she really wanted it back because it is almost full of fluid. Oh my! Is all I have to say to her as I drive her back in to WHO-ville. I think I create my own problems some days.
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